eurodancemix

Just came back from a trip to Montreal this past week during which "Born This Way" happened to be released. There was LOTS of media hoopla, including TV commercials and countless mentions in the local newspapers. Even though I'd already pre-ordered my copies of the album on Amazon, I was at Walmart at 8 AM on Monday, to get myself copies of the Canadian edition (I love the bilingual stickers). When I got there, there was a massive display in the center aisle, of which I *had* to take a picture. Not sure if US stores received displays that big.

There's also a shot of the bilingual sticker on the special edition.

Yesterday was my dad's birthday. He would have been 90.

When I spoke with Mom yesterday, it was a bit strange not having her mention his birthday. This time last year, Mom had all her faculties and we mentioned it during conversation. This is the first time no mention was made of it. I didn't bring it up as Mom was already having a bad day and she was very emotional.

Anyway, this will probably be the last year I mention Dad's birthday. I don't him to be like Elvis where years from now I'll say something like "Dad would have been 117 today." :-P

FEBRUARY 2011

Overall, the month of February was rather calm: I called Mom almost every day, we had fairly good conversations, and things were good.

Calling her can be a little tricky becuase I've had to make some adjutsments to my calling pattern. Mom doesn't have a phone in her room, so I end up calling the nurse's station on her floor. Quite often, they don't answer and my call goes to voicemail. That's OK because I know the nurses and aides are attending to the patients and they can't always be there to answer an outside line (but I know they have pagers and cell phones for internal communication in case of emergency, so they can always be reached if it's work-related). The best time to call is between 4:45 PM and 5:00 PM because that's when Mom is usually on her way to the dining area and she has to pass by the nurse's station to get there. So that's what I've been doing. Sometimes I'm unable to get ahold of anyone and I miss her completely and, by the time I finally get to speak with someone, Mom's already back in her room asleep. I usually then ask the nurse to let Mom know I called the next time she wakes up. It's not a big deal...and fortunately for me, Mom doesn't remember that she hadn't spoken to me the day before.

One problem that resurfaced, though, is that her anemia continues and is still considered severe. Just a few weeks after her blood transfusions in January, her hemoglobin levels are back to where they were. Not a good sign. The doctor asked if I'd be willing to have Mom undergo additional transfusions and testing, including bone marrow tests, but I declined. At 85 and in the mental condition she's in, I just don't see the point. When I asked the doctor for her personal opinion, she agreed with me. Having Mom go back and forth to the hospital, and possibly spend several days there, would only aggravate her dementia. Not worth it. So we decided that they would do nothing to resolve it, other than to monitor her hemoglobin levels, and ensure she has enough iron and B12 in her system. As time progresses, the anemia will get worse, Mom will have to use a wheelchair, and she'll eventually have to remain in bed. Further progression will include vital organ failure, but that's all very much a way down the road. When it gets to that stage, they'll make sure she's comfortable and in no pain.

Not a pretty picture, but that's the reality of getting old.

Still, I'm thankful I have my mom and that we're still able to talk. She still recognizes me over the phone and I'm always grateful for that.

Before I conclude for today, I received a call yesterday from the director where Mom lives...it actually made me smile: she told me that they'd have to start locking Mom's closet doors because she's gotten into the habit of taking the clothes out of it and leaving them all over her room -the floor, the bed, the chair, etc.- It's become a tripping hazard so they need to take care of this issue quickly. As she told me this, I had a mental picture of Mom with her head in the closet and her arms flailing as clothes shot out of the closet.

Ok, that's all for now. Thanks for reading.

DECEMBER 2010
On December 8, exactly one week after I left Montreal, the social worker called me to inform me that they'd already found a room for Mom at a nearby intermediate-care level residence. She was being released from the hospital that Friday. So I packed my bags and drove up to Montreal once again. (I need to add at this point that my employer was very understanding of my situation and granted me all the necessary time to go take care of Mom.) When I got to the hospital on Friday, Mom was already dressed up and ready to go. It was a very cold and windy day and the only coat she had was a bit flimsy (I'd completely forgotten to get her warm coat from the apartment). Still, I managed to grab a parking spot right in front of the hospital door and whisked Mom in the car as fast as I could. The residence was only a few minutes away from the hospital.

When we got to the new place, named Residence Jo-Li, the owner warmly greeted us and seemed very pleased to have us there. The place was fully secure: codes needed to be entered to enter and exit the building. We were shown Mom's room which was already furnished; it was a bit small but it was cozy. A nice touch: there was a small bouquet of flowers waiting for her in the room. The establishment as a whole was spotless: it looked and smelled clean, and the hallways were uncluttered. The staff was very pleasant and the other residents seemed well taken care of. I spent the rest of the day moving Mom's clothes from her apartment to her new room. I hung pictures on the wall to make the place a bit more attractive and I brought over her favorite chair and floor lamp to warm up the room. I also went out a bought her a new TV and ordered cable for her.

( Click for pics and lots more info )

I've been trying to catch up on writing a summary of the last four months...I don't have the time to devote to writing long posts like I once used to and it's taking me quite a while to get my thoughts organized and wrapped around all the stuff that's happened with Mom.

I should have something by Monday.

see more Gifs

It's hard to believe that it's been over a month since I've updated this journal. So much for my promise to keep this current.

What's been happening? Wow, so much, actually. Where to begin?

Well, first, I went to Montreal on August 20 to go see my mom. I hadn't seen her since December 2009, much too long. Because the budget was tight, I decided to drive there rather than fly. I left at 11:30 PM on Thursday night and took my time. I drove slightly above the speed limit (thankfully, because the cops were out in force in NY State), and even took a nap around 4 AM once I got into NY State from New Jersey. Made it to Montreal around 11:00 AM. Yeah, it’s a long drive, but gone are the days when I’d feel confident (stupid?) enough to drive 80 MPH the entire way, and forgo naps and bathroom breaks. My all-time best was 9 hours, about ten years ago, but I arrived in Montreal cranky and exhausted.

Anyway, seeing Mom after nine months was a bit of a shock. My, how she’d changed: she had lost more weight, and she looked old. To me, anyway. Mom has always looked younger than her real age, and that will probably never change, but in my mind I still picture her from when I was a teenager, so seeing her get older and older is not at all to my liking.

When I walked in to her apartment, she was so happy to see me. Poor thing began to cry, and she gave me the tightest hug she could. It felt good wrapping my arms around her. I held her for what seemed like an eternity…I know there will come a time when I won’t be able to do this anymore. It’s the simple things in life that often matter most.

I won’t go through each and every thing we did, but we had a good week. Overall, she seemed in good spirits, and in good health. I think she tired herself out on Saturday by going to the mall and insisting on walking throughout, and by Sunday, she was exhausted. So Sunday and Monday (yup, both days), she stayed in bed and slept. The nurses arranged for her meal trays to be brought up to her. I spent part of those days with her, then I’d go back to my hotel or I’d go run errands while she slept. By Tuesday, she was feeling much better, which was good because that was the day of her field trip: a cruise on the St. Lawrence River. It was too late for me to join them, so off she went for the day –paired up with her good friend Mme. Lechasseur—while I took the metro into Montreal and did some shopping.

Surprisingly for August, the weather the entire week was cold and gray. It rained almost every day. On Wednesday, Mom was feeling well enough to go to the cemetary to visit Dad. The following is true: on our way to the cemetary, which is about 40 minutes from Mom’s place, it began to rain. I was a bit disappointed because neither of us had an umbrella and I didn’t think Mom would be too keen on standing in the rain. But onward we went. As we got closer to the cemetary, the rain began to subside. By the time we had parked the car in the cemetary and got out, the rain had completely stopped. In fact, there had been NO RAIN in the part of the cemetary where Dad is…everything was dry and Mom was able to sit on a nearby bench without worrying about getting her clothes wet. She sat down and talked with Dad for a little while. Now here’s the unbelievable part…as soon as we got back in the car and drove away, it began to rain once again! We couldn’t have timed this better had we tried.

The rest of the week was just terrific: driving around, going shopping, going out to eat, and just enjoying my time with Mom. When it was time for me to leave on Thursday evening, it was difficult. So, around 4:45 PM, I walked Mom down to the dining room and said goodbye. She was on her way to have dinner, and I was heading to the hotel to sleep for a few hours before getting on the road around midnight. I was very close to tears, and I know Mom was very sad. The goodbyes were quick and tearless.

It’s very difficult living 650 miles away…I know so many people who live close to their parents. I wish I could but I don’t have that luxury. Mom needs to be a monitored environment, but her budget can only allow the costs of assisted living found in Canada. Her monthly rent, which includes two meals a day and 24/7 medical supervision, is around $1600. Here in the States, it would cost at least twice that amount. There are sacrifices in life…this one isn’t all that dramatic, but it doesn’t make the pain of not having my mother physically close to me any easier.

In addition to all this, there’s evidence of Mom’s slow mental decline. Granted, she’s 85, but more and more often, she forgets basic things. Within the last year, when she’s tired or very agitated, she forgets basic words and has much difficulty in putting sentences together. There have been times when phone conversations have been frustrating for the both of us…she tries to get the word out, but it’s like her brain won’t get in gear…it’s blank and she can’t come up with the word at all. Other times, it’s the completely wrong word.

Also, within the last month, she’s twice forgotten about where she put her money. She called me in a panic each time, thinking someone had come into her apartment and stolen her money. The first time, she’d lost track of a couple of purchases she’d made. The second time, just a couple of days ago, she’d forgotten that she had hidden it upon her arrival home.

This is very difficult for me to write…because, in its own way, it’s an admission, and a realization, that I’m slowly losing my mother. I pray so hard that she doesn’t completely lose her faculties. I’ll love her no matter what happens, obviously, but I don’t want Mom to end up just being a shell of a person, with no discernable traits of the fun, loving, vibrant mother she’s been to me all my life. Not that I wish this on others, but this is supposed to happen only to other people’s parents, isn’t it?

I’m writing this at work, and now I’m crying at my desk. Lovely.

I had hoped to write about other things, but I'm too tired now. Click on the cut for some pics.


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After almost three months without any decent rain (though with an occasional flash downpour here and there), our yellow grass can finally rejoice: we're supposed to have storms for the next three days.

I was awakened this morning by a very spectacular lightning show. Thunder soon followed, and then the monsoon downpour came. Though the timing was off a bit (I needed to take Aspen out and head out to work), I waited about 15 minutes for it to pass and then took Aspen on her morning walk. It was still raining a bit, just not as hard.

And my timing was good, because the hard rain started up again once I got in my car.

Work is stressful. I can't wait for next Thursday when I'll be on vacation for a week. Montreal (and Mom), here I come! Eric had looked into possibly taking a flight up there to meet me there over the weekend, but they were much too expensive ($300+). In addition, I've had to get a hotel room, as my friends John and Mario have some guests staying with them over the weekend, and then they're off to New Brunswick.

Fortunately, I've also reconnected with my friend Marc and I'll be having lunch with him one day. Marc has admitted that he hasn't been a very good friend in the last couple of years. His dad passed away in August 2008, a few months after my dad did. As a result of this, Marc went into a depression. Then, his partner Phillipe left him as a result, which only made the depression worse. He hadn't responded to any of the Facebook messages I'd previously sent him, until last week. I'm looking forward to seeing him again and catching up.

Mom's doing well. Her butt is still painful from the fall a couple of weeks ago, but it's getting better on a daily basis. On Monday, Mom was doing laundry and was going back and forth between her apartment and the laundry room. Upon one of her return trips, she walked in on Pauline, one of her neighbors, snooping in her apartment! Mom confronted her and told her to leave. Pauline tried to make some flimsy excuse and left. Mom and this woman aren't friendly to each other to begin with. Mom then went to the administrators downstairs and reported the incident. Since there was nothing stolen, there was nothing they could really do except advise Mom to keep her apartment locked at all times. If she believed something had been stolen, she'd have to contact the police. Here's the good part: in relaying this to the administrators, a few people overheard Mom describing the situation. And just like a good middle school rumor, the word got around quickly about Pauline's snooping. By the time of the afternoon activities, many people came up to Mom to tell them how sorry they were to hear what had happened, and Pauline was left sitting by herself in the corner.

Since then, Pauline has been extra friendly to Mom. Mom has decided to be nice back...she figures the embarrassment of everyone knowing she's a snoop is enough. I agree.

Anyway, time to get working. Thanks for reading.

I'm still here, still alive.

Work has been incredibly busy. I don't have time to update LJ at work, and by the time I come home in the evening, I'm exhausted and I don't care to spend much time in front of a computer.

There will be an update this weekend. Promise.

Oh, and Mom's doing fine.

On Friday, Eric and his mom flew off to Vegas for a video poker tournament, as well as to take a look at the house on which he made an offer a few weeks back. As a result, I'm a Vegas widower for five days.

On Friday night, I was supposed to go to a happy hour event with Stuart and Dave. Unfortunately, and interestingly enough, both Stuart and I came home from work with blasting migraines. So, we cancelled our plans and stayed home. Plus, the heatwave was in full swing, so I was more than happy to stay indoors and chill, literally.

On Saturday morning, my headache was gone, and I went to my Weight Watchers meeting. The results weren't pretty...since my Las Vegas trip on Memorial Day, I've not been following my plan correctly, and I've gained back quite a bit of the weight I'd lost. Stupid, I know. I haven't been making good food choices, and I haven't been tracking. Not good. So, I went on Saturday, faced the music and decided to start over. Oddly enough, that was the topic for the week: starting over...obviously, it was meant to be. So, I'm starting again as if I were on Week 1. I'm judiciously tracking all my food, and my group leader even asked me to bring my tracker in next Saturday to show her. If that doesn't hold me accountable, I don't know what will.

So far, the week's been good. I have to admit that I feel hungrier than usual, but since my hunger is often a result of boredom, frustration, or habit, it soon passes once I set my mind on other things.

On Saturday night, Stuart, Dave, their friend Jeff, and I went out to dinner. We were supposed to go to a rooftop club in Rockville, but with the temps being 102+ degrees, we decided against it. We went to Outback instead, and then went out for ice cream afterwards. And yes, it fit into my plan. :-)

We had a great evening. I came home a bit after 10 PM, walked the dog, took a shower, and promptly crashed in front of the TV. I was in bed by 11:30 PM. I'm definitely Mr. Party, aren't I?

Sunday was nice and relaxed. I went to brunch with Dave and Stuart. We were originally going to go to Moxie's, but we ended up at Joanie's Carroll Street Cafe in downtown Frederick. It's a little hole-in-the-wall, with NO air conditioning. The place looked very bohemian, and is incredibly relaxed overall...there isn't even a price list! The food was OK, but I have doubts about the overall cleanliness of the place. I'll probably have to decline if they want to go there again.

I spent the rest of the day relaxing at home, staying out of the awful heat and humidity. I even cut Aspen's midday walk to just 10 minutes, as she was showing signs of slowing down after walking just half a block. Much of the humidity was relieved by a sudden storm that passed through the area. We did well in Frederick, but much of Montgomery County and parts of DC were greatly affected and have been without power since. Around 5 PM, after the storm had passed, I took Eric's dad out to Bloom so he could get groceries...he no longer drives, and the store is too far for him to walk.

When I called Mom that day, she informed me that she'd fallen. Nothing was broken, fortunately, but she'll probably end up with quite a bruise. She was going for a walk in the garden, when she missed the last step and fell. She fell back on her rear end. The nurses said that nothing was broken, thank God, but that she'd be quite sore for a few days.

Work continues to be stressful. My spreadsheet and presentation yesterday went well, and NO ONE ASKED FOR ANY MORE CHANGES! But now I need to begin training my two backups. It'll be easy, just time-consuming. And I'm not a very good teacher, I readily admit that, so it's stressful for me.

Anyway, time to get working. Thanks for reading!